Pride weekend reflections
I started posting my photos and videos online in 2020. The world was in crisis, from the macro level down to my inner self. I was experiencing the most pronounced gender dysphoria of my adulthood; it was as though icebergs shackled to the seafloor had suddenly been released in the chaos of lockdown, bobbing to the psychological surface and causing mayhem. I was experimenting with binding and packing and how those affected my desire - and others' desire of me - which is where y'all came in.
It was through presenting myself in online spaces that I was able to find what worked and felt right to me. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that the affirmation and education I found on online communities helped give me the courage to pursue surgery for the chest I had wanted for over 20 years.
It has been truly wonderful to have found support from fans who believe in my ability to be hot (lol) - but even more wonderful are the messages that say that my visible existence has made a positive impact on someone else’s self-knowledge, self-esteem, and even self-awareness and growth. The people who reach out to me about this give me a gift: the lived understanding that porn can be art and can be meaningful, - that sexual play is a potent tool of self-actualization - that being a horny little freak is a role that the world needs.
While religious extremists wage their “War on Porn,” making all sorts of outlandish claims about how censoring free speech stops sex work (it does not) and how porn is a public health crisis (it’s not), my experience has been markedly different than their narrative. In the last two years I’ve found community, intimacy, financial stability, opportunity, and self-love. I’ve grown so much as a person and even regularly describe myself as feeling happy!
I am anchored in the fact that trans is beautiful. Our change is divine. We have the courage to pursue our greatest dreams and desires. Our history is one of Pride. This Pride weekend, find some way to not just be inspired by the transgender people in your life, but also perform an act of solidarity for the community. Whether it is buying from a trans-owned business, writing to your lawmakers in defense of bodily autonomy, or contributing to direct mutual aid - stand with us. Thank you.